"Wives must submit to Husbands" is a Biblical recommendation... Really?

"Wives must submit to Husbands" is a Biblical recommendation... Really?

The first disconnect that jumps out at me with this quote is the context: the paragraph start with the advice to "submit one to another"... but then the focus seems to shift in the direction that it is the women who need to be doing 100% of the submitting. This doesn't make sense.

Let’s explore the highly misunderstood concept of a  “submissive woman” – and uncover the TRUE power of female energy while we are at it.

There seems to be a marked disconnect  between what is believed to be a biblical – and thus, by implication, God given and therefore presumably ULTIMATELY CORRECT – definition of a woman’s role… and the fact that the women who try to adopt it usually end up very unhappy and often even easy targets for domestic abuse.  

Has the world changed? Or is the Bible incorrect? Or, possibly maybe the advice was only applicable to the particular circumstances it was recorded for?

None of the above. We are simply lacking the background knowledge which the people of those times had, and which was lost by the time the English translation of the scriptures rolled around. Let’s resurrect this knowledge with the help of Bioenergetic Psychology

(Watch this video or just keep reading: the content is the same!)

So, today I want to discuss another horribly misunderstood term, and it is the term “submissive”, when it comes to women.

Submissive. Someone who does what they are told, right? This is how we understand the term today. I also often hear the term “submit” being used interchangeably with the word “serve”. Not sure what non-existent rule of linguistics this connection is based on – there simply isn’t any. None the less, every time the conversation about marriage takes the turn around the concept of submissive, this “serving” things comes up. I am still to figure out why, and to find out any substantiation for making the leap here. 

So, let’s talk about this “submissive” thing: what does this term “submissive” REALLY mean?


First of all, why does this concept cling to women like lint to a black dress? I mean, I am not – I want to emphasize this – I am NOT a feminist. (I am a realist, that’s what I am, for that matter).

But all the efforts of the feminist movement aside, we all – men AND women – would readily agree that the situation when a wife does not have a say in the marriage, or relationships where the woman’s wishes are discounted are dysfunctional.

I mean, if she is trying her best to be submissive – in the sense that we understand the term -- then she would have to discard her thoughts and preferences every time there is a disagreement, right? Which would mean, her wishes and preferences do not count on their own, unless they match the guy’s – or are benevolently approved by him. Or how? This is what I mean by “discounted” here. I bet you cannot argue with my logic here: “being submissive” in the sense that we know it  would mean that your thoughts, preferences and ideas are discounted in favor of the person you’re being submissive to.

But as I started to say, we all: men, women, professionals, everyday people with common sense  -- would label relationships where one of the partners has no voice  and constantly needs to suppress their needs and opinions as dysfunctional. Dysfunctional at best. Or even abusive.

Anyone of us who has witnessed families like this, knows that such families lack good energy. There is usually a lot of depression and anxiety in these families Their kids usually have problems, and their house is usually in a state of chaos.

Finally, in the 21th century, we have finally come up with the term “emotional abuse”, which describes these dynamics: the dynamics that render people in a relationship unhappy, oppressed. Emotionally damaged and cause other negative consequences – including consequences that reflect on their children’s success and ability to thrive in this life. This is called “emotional abuse”.

Abuse is evil. It is immoral. Evil and immoral things do not come from God. So why, then, are we still hanging on to the concept of a “submissive woman” as some kind of moral virtue?

There are historical reasons as to why the idea of a submissive woman is associated with morality and virtue. Actually, I think I will make a separate video on this someday – this is an interesting subject, how it all developed and came around. But now, in the interest on time, let’s skip this part, and just say that there are valid historical reasons why this concept took root.

So, I will answer the question I posed earlier like this: the reason we are still hanging on to the concept of a submissive woman as something associated with virtue is because we have never stopped to think what the term means. Never looked at things at face value – as I have just invited you to do, by showing that if a woman tries to diligently live up to the idea of submissiveness as we understand it today, this will create emotionally abusive dynamics in the family. We have a disconnect here, because we have never asked ourselves what this term really means, never thought through all this enough.

So, let’s do this now.

One interesting thing about terms is that they change overtime.

My favorite example is “charity”. The term “charity” used to mean “unconditional love”, and this is the meaning in which it is used in spiritual literature. Today, however, the word “charity” means places that accept donations, like Goodwill or the Salvation army. The meaning of the word has changed. Thankfully, everyone knows that, and does not interpret the scriptures to mean that writing checks to every spam request from a non-profit is some kind of a virtue, which will also carry on to the other side of life. Wow -- scary thought. It better not.

Another example is “vanity”. In Hebrew the word that is translated as “vanity” means, literally,  “trying to direct the wind”. Yeah – as the wisdom goes, “we cannot direct the wind – all we can do is adjust the sail”. Trying to direct the wind is an effort that is going to be wasted in vain. Vain effort.  Vain, in vain… vanity. This is how the term came around. This word would be more properly translated as “futility” today, but “vanity” made perfect sense in King James’s times.

How the term vanity took on the meaning that we associate it with today is actually very interesting from the standpoint of psychology, by the way. Think about this: when you overdress, put on excessive makeup, and do all those other things that we may term as “vanity” today, what are you doing? You are trying to present an image to the world, which is not you. You are trying to hide your true self… and this is a very vain effort… very futile effort. Our Ego is always trying to take over our true self, cease the power and be the king in it’s place… but this effort is in vain, as far as the provision of the creation goes… Unless you deliberately let this happen…

Anyway, you should watch our Ego versus True Self playlist for more information on how it all works, and what all happens here. I will leave you the link below. But now let’s get back to the term of submissive.

This is another term the meaning of which has changed over time. You know, how it is said that under severe stress men break, but women bend? This is what this term has historically been used to describe: the ability of the female energy to adapt.

Instead of simply rebelling against the circumstances the woman has an incredible ability to ACCEPT the reality how it is and then take it from there. Like, instead of stomping your feet, banding your fists, throwing a tantrum – and then leaving things in the exact same state where you found them before the tantrum --as a man would in this situation-- the woman, on the other hand, has  an almost magic ability to accept the reality for what it is, and then brainstorm what to do in order to fix the problem.

This is what the term submissive is used to describe here: the ability to accept things for what they are, the ability to have the insight into the true nature of what is going on, roll with reality – and influence it from within. I suppose, in today’s language a better fitting term would be “flexible” – but it doesn’t quite cut the depth of the meaning, unfortunately.

 The female energy envelops and influences from within. It does not simply command a change: it meets you where you are and then makes the change happen.

Have you ever avoided bad company or a bad decision because you “didn’t want to disappoint your mom”? Wasn’t this feeling of not wanting to fall short of her love and expectations a lot more powerful than the effect of your dad’s lecturing about “what is right”? This is the female energy at work – it is more subtle, but very powerful.

So, a man should use his authority…(The authority over the animals and other material things of the earth has been given to Adam in the garden of Eden, by the way… And woman, his partner, wasn’t on that list of the things he was given authority over. Please note that). Anyway, he should use his authority over the elements of the world to assist her. And the woman, in the meantime, would want to be flexible with her husband. The woman will use her adaptability to teach him to accept the things he cannot change and encourage him to change the things he can – because she is the one in the relationship that has the magic insight to see all things for what they are in reality, bend with the wind and adjust the sails properly.

 What a beautiful arrangement! If I was God who came up with this, I would take offense to some people reading abuse and slavery into here instead!



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